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Q.
Dear God,
Our son Billy is
causing us a heap of worry. He never does what we tell him, and
last week, I found an empty beer can under his bed, and he’s only
seventeen! I just don’t know what to do anymore. Can your holy
words help us, God?
Signed,
Frustrated in Frisco
A. Dear Frustrated
in Frisco,
Boy,
teenagers can sure be a handful. Luckily, my inerrant, perfect
scriptures address this situation directly. The first thing you
need to do is to round up all of the oldest people in your town. I
recommend looking in the magazine room at the public library, and
any place they sell egg salad.
After
you’ve got a few old folks together, all you have to do is find
some medium sized rocks, and then use them to bludgeon little
Billy until he dies. I recommend finding stones that are small
enough to be thrown overhand, but still big enough to cause
internal bleeding.
It's just like I said in Deuteronomy 22:19,
“His father and his
mother shall take hold of him and bring him out to the elders of
his city at the gate of the place where he lives, and they shall
say to the elders of his city, 'This our son is stubborn and
rebellious, he will not obey your voice; he is a glutton and a
drunkard.' Then all the men of the city shall stone him to death
with stones; so you shall purge the evil from your midst.”
Sometimes tough love is the best kind.
Sincerely,
God
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